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IT’S BEEN THE SAME SINCE AGES- Payal Goenka

My eyes were wet but I was not crying. My mind and heart both were speaking different languages. Indecisiveness confused me that whether it was anger or sorrow which made my eyes wet.

Nothing very big happened today but a series of events forced me to give a deep thought in today’s episode. It was a normal quarrel between me and my daughter as we all face when our kids enter their teens. Today she came and asked “Mummy can I go to my friends house for a night party “  I straightforwardly rejected the idea, and as we know today’s kids, they don’t want to listen “NO” and as expected, she burst with anger. Her words were “You always want to control my life! You don’t have faith on me. You don’t love me etc.”  All of a sudden, she uttered a sentence saying that I have done nothing for her and why did I even give birth to her if I had no love for her. After hearing this, I was traumatized and the whole world paused for me for few minutes. But she went away without realising anything, as if nothing had happened. The whole episode brought in front of me a flashback of 14 years from the day she was born till the current day. I went inside my room and settled myself on bed giving a deep thought to her words for some time. I was trying to control the pain, gasping for air, drowning in this pool of despair but had to control myself as I had to behave like an understanding and matured mom. Then all of a sudden, I called my mom and randomly asked her,

“Have I ever been rude to you?

Have I ever told you sorry about my wrong behaviour?

Have I ever hurt you so much that you felt that why have you given birth to me?”

My mom was quiet for few seconds, but from her silence, I could make out that she was smiling sarcastically.

As we know grey hairs are respected for their experiences and by her experience, she could make out that I was feeling very low. She slightly changed the topic and tried to calm me. But my mind and heart were not too disturbed to judge any situation properly, so I hung up the phone. Keeping my eyes closed, I lied down on the bed half asleep and half restless.

After some time, I felt someone was lying beside me and hugging me tight. It was my daughter and I could feel her warmth. She was remorseful and it was her way of apologizing. Though not a word was uttered by her, but my heart could feel that she was truly sorry for her deed.  I later realised why my mother could also be smiling sarcastically, maybe I have done all the same in my teens with her. Later by evening, I called her back and the first word said by me was “MOM I AM SORRY” for everything. This time she smiled though not sarcastically, and said “Beta, you are now becoming a mother and realising true meaning of motherhood”.

My eyes lit up again and my mind and heart came together and made me realise that it’s been the same since ages, only the methods have changed because “A Mother and A Daughter Duo is always eternal”.

Payal Goenka

Payal is a budding writer and a mom of 2 daughters.

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